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Death is an unfortunate but inevitable part of life and it is something that all of us have to deal with at one point or another. As parents, giving your child the tools and skills necessary to understand and cope with death is quite important.

Though it is rarely an easy issue to deal with, approaching it in a positive and supporting way will help both you and your child when the death of a loved one occurs.

According to the Children's Hospital of Omaha (http://www.chsomaha.org/body.cfm?id=961), there are several important things that parents can do to educate and help their child when they are coping with death.

Be honest. Many parents feel that their child is not ready to deal with the truth of death. While children do not need to know all of the details, half truths told to spare a child's feelings are confusing and can cause more issues if the actual truth is discovered at some later point.

Respect the child's right to know. As difficult as some parents may find it, talking about death to your child is very important.

If a parent avoids talking about death with their child, it can make them feel isolated and that death is something not to be discussed.

Figuring out a plan. Think about what you want to say about death, or the specific death, in advance. Give your child opportunities to discuss it and ask questions on their schedule, not yours.

When the topic comes up, be direct and use non-verbal reassurances as well. Hugging, holding their hands, sitting close to them and other physical contact is very important to anyone who is grieving, but especially kids.

Be clear. Many parents use other figures of speech when describing death to a small child, but this can be very confusing and even frightening.

Explaining that a loved one has "gone to sleep" forever may cause a child to fear going to sleep. Telling them that the person has "gone away" or was "taken" may also cause irrational fears for younger children.

As most deaths occur in hospitals now, it is also a good idea to discuss how the person died, in order to remove some of the mystery that surrounds death.

Don't be afraid to show your own sadness. Seeing a parent cry or express grief is an important thing. It shows that crying and sadness is a normal part of death. It also gives an opportunity to show that mourning is normal and not a sign of weakness.

Saying goodbye. In some cases, depending on the age of the child and the relationship, parents may want to arrange a chance for the child to visit the loved one or make a phone call.

It is important that both the child and the loved one are comfortable with the visit and that the child is prepared in advance for what to expect.

Visits such as this should never be forced. With funeral attendance, it is again important to prepare your child for the event and that they should be accompanied by a supportive adult as well.

Above all it is important for parents to prepare themselves for dealing with death and helping their child through it. Take some time to consider your own fears and beliefs about death. As well, look for less emotional situations to discuss death.

Making an effort to show that death is a natural part of life will help your child cope in a more positive manner.

Lastly, if you feel ill prepared to deal with the issue of death, make use of resources such as your family doctor, local clergy, professional counsellors or your own family.

* Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him or ask a parenting question for a future column, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.